Ladies and Gentlemen! As many already know, on June 27 1977, on the territory of the USSR, my member began to grow. There were then seconds, minutes, weeks, and years of torment for me connected with its very slow growth — but then, as many already know, five years ago, it began to grow so quickly that it outgrew the World! And my organ became the new axis of the Earth. Of course, everyone knows this fact and it’s even been written up in a certain book published in Finland… I quote: “Isä meidän joka olet taivaissa, olen todennäköisesti hyvin onnelline, kun lopulta ymmärrän Sinun aikeesi, ja olen ylpeä, että Sinä olet valinnut minut. Jos näin on tapahtuva, tarkoittaako se, että koko ihmiskunnan elämän tarkoitus on vain ja ainoastaan hieroa minun elintäni?” Now my member, as a result of its unrestrained size, has almost reached the edge of all the galaxies in the universe. Its growth was so ingenious that even faraway galaxies couldn’t escape the notice of my member. Ladies and Gentlemen! Now I demand your special attention. I want to tell you something you don’t already know! It’s not about the size of my member…you can’t even understand that mathematically! But from the summit of those measurements I announce that the color of my member has no meaning whatsoever, since it has such giant proportions! I’ll even state further: color has no meaning whatsoever! I truly hope that after this news flash everyone can get along together! If that doesn’t happen, I’ll be very upset and I’ll start to cry. If I start to cry, then Noah’s flood will seem but a joke. Don’t upset me on my birthday. For those who want to philosophize about the dimensions of my member, I will provide whiskey and cigars on June 27th. I’ll be waiting for you at 3 minutes after 4 o’clock by Dante. By the Dante who stands between Fiorellos and the Met Opera. After we meet, we’ll have some pleasant conversations — we’ll drink coffee at Strawberry Fields from mugs made in the state of Maine! Give Peace a Chance!